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06 September 2011 @ 12:20 am
I feel very heavy when I think of retaking that studio couse with that teacher I don't like...
I want to suceed this year with good grades.
I want to be able to talk to a teacher well without feeling down about myself.
I want to be able to get along with new poeple
I want to find a partime job
31 May 2011 @ 12:08 pm
So all that commotion about grade changes and I just go from 60% to 65%.
never mind all those question I had about her criteria for marking.
I'll have to retake this course.
Mood: depresseddepressed
I have friends which I spend a lot of time with however there's this one particular friend that I do like more than others. This is because out of everyone, this person values and cares about me. She listens to what I have to say; takes interest and responds to what i like to do and most of all, treats what I think and do as something important to her.
Lately though I don't feel this quality is coming through as usual and it's a little lonely. Lately she has been interrupting when I'm trying to speak, breaking a commitment for no reason, and making assumptions about what I'm thinking. I know that this is not her consistent behaviour and she still does other things that show consideration but I still feel depressed about the other stuff.
I don't feel like I want to talk or do anything with anyone anymore... especially since I get the feeling everyone else in this circle doesn't value me that much either...
I guess it is up to me to try to get their attention... that's the story of my life though and I'm tired of begging for it.  Years of negative reinforcement tells me I don't get anything from asking or expecting anything from anybody (unless it is a slap in the face).

I know that if I do ask this friend, she will take it seriously but I realize there are still walls for me to overcome. Am I ready to overcome it?It is also difficult to recognize, pinpoint and address the problem when you are in the situation in a positive way.
I'll think about it some more
Mood: depresseddepressed
27 March 2011 @ 10:02 pm
That's what it feels like while I am trying to question the grade I got for thesis. It was a terrible mark. Barely passing in numerical standards.
I feel that I cannot do ANYTHING ABOUT IT.
I have talked to the student affairs person and the omnbuds person about my concerns and all they can say is to get feedback from my professor who doesn't even answer her emails. It has been 5 weeks since I received my mark  WAITING WAITING WAITING and she has canceled one meeting I set up in person and said she needed time to review my mark (for 3 weeks and counting now) when at the time she had just finished marking it. (I think she is just covering her ass)

I don't feel like my concerns are being answered or being treated seriously and I feel panicked by the little time, choices and actions available to me. It's like no one is on my side, everything is working against me and I have been set up to lose a battle unknowingly.

or I'm being too paranoid but how can I not when I am waiting idly not know what's going on, time ticking by and imminent consequences around the corner?

A situation in a shounen manga where the odds are stacked against the hero who calmly overcomes the situation through miracles, hard work. Does this mean my life a tragedy? It's starting to feel that way.

The RESULTS are important. They affect graduate studies and future employment possibilities. The elitist university system is stacked against students where the results trumps learning: its about leaving students to try and get the top grades, not coaching students to learn the knowledge and applying it. Meanwhile the tuition you're paying for is being spent on teachers making a power point presentation and giving assignments and the rest goes to the institution that does not benefit you most of the time you spend in school.
Mood: worriedworried
22 December 2010 @ 04:26 pm
The way she loses her temper; there's only so much I can tolerate!

I want to aggregate all or her school files and she automatically
gets angry at me and assumes that I'll be moving her files to one
fragile hard drive.

she crosses a line when she is blames me for loosing previous data because of putting everything in one hard drive!
she crosses another line when she accuses me (repeatedly) that I'm going to do it when I haven't done anything yet!
she crosses another line by assuming that I cannot understand what she is saying by angrily repeating it over and over!
and she crosses another line by not even acknowledging what I'm trying to do! 


Putting all the data into solely one location was not smart but you know what? if she had such a huge problem with it as much as she says, all she had to do is make a copy of it but she didn't. So what if she didn't know how to? whose fault is that? She should be responsible for her own data instead of placing all the responsibility and blame on me. I'm only trying to help and make things more organized.


Now I know better than to put everything in one hard drive OBVIOUSLY, but of course in her eyes I don't have the ability to learn from mistakes.

well I snapped at her, not that it would make a difference but it
made me feel better.
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Location: Home
Mood: annoyedannoyed